So, here lately I've been attempting to clean up the horrid fucking disaster that is my data archive, with...some progress. One of the things I've been doing and have needed to do for some time is go through old bookmarks and screen cap the data before it's lost forever in a sea of virtual nothingness. If there's one thing I've learned online it's that things NEVER last, so get while the gettings good I say.
Anyway, I came across this lil gem in my efforts from 2K6:
http://www.bookofjoe.com/2006/04/onideus_mad_hat.html
In which Joe and his lowly band of virtual ass slurpers decide to try and take on dat mean 'ol Mad Hatter! You get three guesses how *THAT* turned out, and no, the first two don't count.
Sho'nuff, when the heat got put on lil Joe and his friends, including a particularly mouthy little ass hat named Waldo Jaquith...yup, they started censoring out my posts and then finally just blocked me from posting altogether, but then...can you blame them? I mean, here you have a guy like Joe who has been running all over the grid trying his absolute best to pass himself off as some kind of a web developer and then along comes the proverbial bad ass of web coding himself and just slams the fuck out of the guy...yeah...running away was pretty much his only option.
The reason I brought this old post up though wasn't just to rag an lil Joe and his butt slurping friend Waldo...although granted I am enjoying that part of it. No, the primary reason I bring it up is because it gives me a good chance to go over some of the COMMON MYTHS about Flash. Now, where shall we start with this...how about this comment from Waldo Jaquith (who claims to be a web developer):
"You can't print it, you can't style it, you can't make it accessible and when used as this joker uses it, you can't link to individual pages."
Now, I think Waldo is a real good representation of what I call "college flunkies". See Waldo probably went to some hoity toity, over priced, rich kids college and got some sort of poser class degree in web development or some shit. Nice and all, but there's a ~real~ problem when flunkies like Waldo get out in the real world...they have no skills. Or rather, the only skills they have are what they learned in college and once that spoon fed education stopped, so did their future. The world of web design is one in which things are in CONSTANT motion. And if you can't keep on the ball, if you can't continually learn ON YOUR OWN new technologies and forms...yeah...yer just a college flunkie, plain and simple.
The fact of the matter is Waldo's comments would have actually made some sense...in the mid 90s. Unfortunately for Waldo Flash has grown leaps and bounds since then and is currently the absolute best front end available for web design...provided you know how to use it. Now I'll be the first to admit that there are a *WHOLE* lot of people running around using Flash who have no fucking clue at all as to what they're even doing, but keep this simple rule in mind...just because *YOU* can't do it...doesn't mean it's not possible. In other words never use your own limitations as the basis of measuring a technologies worth.
Let's start with that first one...
"can't style it"...
/_test_platform/Forum_Template/
Huh, look at that. Yup, you sure can style it! With CSS, XML or pretty much anything else you like for that matter.
Let's look at this one now:
"you can't link to individual pages"
Oh really...
/index.php?loc=our
/index.php?loc=video
/index.php?loc=graphics
LOL, so simple...well, for me anyway, not so much for an amateur I suppose. ^__^
Next up:
"You can't print it"
Ouch! Boy that one *REALLY* shows how out of date this Waldo guy is. I mean, hells bells, Flash has had print support since VERSION FOUR:
http://kb2.adobe.com/cps/128/tn_12838.html
*snicker*
Very nice too since the developer gets to control what can and can't be printed by the end user. Of course keep in mind that, that's only going to stop the kiddies like Waldo, experts like me can of course print screen content, or, my favorite, decompile the SWF files and rip the content out directly!
Well, I think this post is long enough for now. If anyone comes up with some new ideas about what they think Flash can't do be sure and fire up a comment and I'll set ya straight. Again though, never ASSume that something can't be done just because *YOU* can't do it or because you've never seen anyone else do it. Your own ignorance does not a good comparison make.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Bob's Creeptacular Game
So unless you've been living in a cave you've probably heard about the retard "Bob" and his uber amazing totally k-rad bestest evar video game for the Nintendo DS (or, at least, that's what he thought). Long story short, "Bob" had an incredible sense of over exaggerated self importance and when Nintendo outright rejected and basically ignored the little goober, yeah, he threw a great big screaming tantrum...no, really, he *LITERARLY* threw a fucking tantrum. Amongst a variety of other kooky and retarded things, which, I guess after he finally got it through his head that throwing a tantrum wasn't going to get his game on the DS he suddenly started in on the "Oh wait...no wait...I didn't just do that, did I?" and backpedaled his ass into a 180, claiming it was all just a "viral marketing" gimmick...uh huh, sure "Bob", sure.
The really amusing part about the whole retardation is that "Bob" wouldn't actually tell ~anybody~ what his game was even about and the only proof that it even existed at all was a few real crappy 2D sprite forms running real sloppily over a crappy looking map. He claimed that it was ~so~ incredible because he had spent like the past TEN YEARS of his meandering, fuckwitted little non-existence working on the thing. Pretty much flying a giant banner that said, "NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER". Narcissists in general are extremely fixated on sheer numbers, seeing quantity as quality, rather than being able to recognize quality in and of itself. So if someone claims that they're ~totally~ awesome simply because they wasted most of their life on something...yeah, most likely a narcissist.
So, eventually, after all was screamed and tantrumed, lil Bobby boi ~finally~ released a craptacular demo of his ~totally~ awesome game that could be played on a Nintendo DS emulator (sort of, it was pretty glitchy and kludgy).
And for those of us that took the courage, the patience, the sanity out of our lives to brave the monstrosity, well we were shown an incredibly reflective, Mary Sue, self inserted pixel representation of Bob himself that would give us all horrible nightmares in the weeks to come. Yes, Bob himself took a variety of aspects from his own life and basically made a video game about himself (narcissist much). That in and of itself isn't what's so disturbing though, what's disturbing is all the scenes like this...
Bob's mom refers to "Bob" as "little guy", generally the sort of nickname reserved for five year olds, not so much teenagers.
Apparently Bob's mom doesn't let Bob out of the house unless he has her explicit permission. Keep in mind that Bob's Mary Sue is in his mid teens in this game.
She worries about him getting lost...again, a teenager.
Overprotective Mothers...yeah that's a bit of an understatement there, Bob.
o_O
...what...the...fuck!
I mean, good Christ almighty, what the shit is that all about?! I mean if this were just some off the wall incestuous bondage fetish game I might not think it so odd, but remember, this game character is supposedly him in real life, this game is supposedly taken from aspects of his real life! Now, I surely hope to someone's God that there's ~some~ blurry line in there between reality and Bob's incestuous bondage fantasy, cause the idea of Bob being treated like a four year old well into his late teens is, well, just a tad on the disturbing side. But now here's the real mind fuck, if you really look at Bob, all the crazy video taped tantrums and shit he did, all the pompous, self-circle jerking build up, and all the generous amounts of uncreatively crazy that makes up Bob...well, you don't think he just magically turned out like that out of the blue, do you? I mean, ~something~ musta happened to the poor boi to turn him into such an incredible kooky basket case...*nods*...I think maybe that line in Bob's game between fantasy and reality isn't as blurry as one might want to hope.
My theory is that Bob has led an incredibly fucked up life, with an extremely over protective mother that essentially, possibly even to this day, treats him like a retarded five year old. And living in such an environment, with an overly loving mommy figure to constantly coddle you and tell you what a ~special~ "little guy" you are all the time, well you're going to be living in a world where you think just being able to wipe your own ass is some kind of an ~incredible~ accomplishment. And in line with that, making some incredibly craptacular, Mary Sue, self-insert fanfic of an RPG, well shit, if you've been living in Bob's world yer gonna think you're next to fucking Jesus himself, pulling off something like that (no matter how incomplete, lame, crappy, kludgy and infested with banal mediocrity of game play and mechanics that it is). And likewise, if you're that "retarded five year old" whose been coddled and praised for every time you've been able to keep from shitting your pants for more than a few hours at a time, well, what do you think is gonna happen when someone like that faces rejection for the first time?
This starting to fall all into place for you? Yeah, Bob's incredibly kooky meltdown was no "viral marketing" campaign at all, not even remotely. The sad truth of it all is that the "little guy" faced rejection for the first time in his hopeless little life, and mommy just couldn't make it all better, so for him it was like hitting a brick wall at 60 miles per hour, no break, no air bag, no seatbelt. That fucker just slammed the hell into reality so hard that he quite literarily broke down, trashed his own room, flailing about and screaming in what is no doubt the most disturbing example of a "man child" tantrum I've personally ever seen in my life.
The sad truth of the matter is that it isn't "Bob's Game", it's "Bob's Autobiography" and details the sickening childhood he was forced to endure as we the audience are taken on a Wily Wonka boat ride down the ever moar disturbing river of Bob's creepy, sordid, incestuous life. Each new frame of dialogue bringing us one step closer to being able to understand the how and why behind Bob's incredible online kookplosion of epic proportions. He truly is a very disturbed individual, but it really isn't his fault at all, it's his sicko mother that no doubt turned him into the man child he is today and I feel a great swell of pity for him, having his entire life essentially flushed down the toilet by his whacko family. Bob probably would have been better off aborted than born, given the horrific life he's been forced into, it truly is sad...monumentally so. :(
The really amusing part about the whole retardation is that "Bob" wouldn't actually tell ~anybody~ what his game was even about and the only proof that it even existed at all was a few real crappy 2D sprite forms running real sloppily over a crappy looking map. He claimed that it was ~so~ incredible because he had spent like the past TEN YEARS of his meandering, fuckwitted little non-existence working on the thing. Pretty much flying a giant banner that said, "NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER". Narcissists in general are extremely fixated on sheer numbers, seeing quantity as quality, rather than being able to recognize quality in and of itself. So if someone claims that they're ~totally~ awesome simply because they wasted most of their life on something...yeah, most likely a narcissist.
So, eventually, after all was screamed and tantrumed, lil Bobby boi ~finally~ released a craptacular demo of his ~totally~ awesome game that could be played on a Nintendo DS emulator (sort of, it was pretty glitchy and kludgy).
And for those of us that took the courage, the patience, the sanity out of our lives to brave the monstrosity, well we were shown an incredibly reflective, Mary Sue, self inserted pixel representation of Bob himself that would give us all horrible nightmares in the weeks to come. Yes, Bob himself took a variety of aspects from his own life and basically made a video game about himself (narcissist much). That in and of itself isn't what's so disturbing though, what's disturbing is all the scenes like this...
Bob's mom refers to "Bob" as "little guy", generally the sort of nickname reserved for five year olds, not so much teenagers.
Apparently Bob's mom doesn't let Bob out of the house unless he has her explicit permission. Keep in mind that Bob's Mary Sue is in his mid teens in this game.
She worries about him getting lost...again, a teenager.
Overprotective Mothers...yeah that's a bit of an understatement there, Bob.
o_O
...what...the...fuck!
I mean, good Christ almighty, what the shit is that all about?! I mean if this were just some off the wall incestuous bondage fetish game I might not think it so odd, but remember, this game character is supposedly him in real life, this game is supposedly taken from aspects of his real life! Now, I surely hope to someone's God that there's ~some~ blurry line in there between reality and Bob's incestuous bondage fantasy, cause the idea of Bob being treated like a four year old well into his late teens is, well, just a tad on the disturbing side. But now here's the real mind fuck, if you really look at Bob, all the crazy video taped tantrums and shit he did, all the pompous, self-circle jerking build up, and all the generous amounts of uncreatively crazy that makes up Bob...well, you don't think he just magically turned out like that out of the blue, do you? I mean, ~something~ musta happened to the poor boi to turn him into such an incredible kooky basket case...*nods*...I think maybe that line in Bob's game between fantasy and reality isn't as blurry as one might want to hope.
My theory is that Bob has led an incredibly fucked up life, with an extremely over protective mother that essentially, possibly even to this day, treats him like a retarded five year old. And living in such an environment, with an overly loving mommy figure to constantly coddle you and tell you what a ~special~ "little guy" you are all the time, well you're going to be living in a world where you think just being able to wipe your own ass is some kind of an ~incredible~ accomplishment. And in line with that, making some incredibly craptacular, Mary Sue, self-insert fanfic of an RPG, well shit, if you've been living in Bob's world yer gonna think you're next to fucking Jesus himself, pulling off something like that (no matter how incomplete, lame, crappy, kludgy and infested with banal mediocrity of game play and mechanics that it is). And likewise, if you're that "retarded five year old" whose been coddled and praised for every time you've been able to keep from shitting your pants for more than a few hours at a time, well, what do you think is gonna happen when someone like that faces rejection for the first time?
This starting to fall all into place for you? Yeah, Bob's incredibly kooky meltdown was no "viral marketing" campaign at all, not even remotely. The sad truth of it all is that the "little guy" faced rejection for the first time in his hopeless little life, and mommy just couldn't make it all better, so for him it was like hitting a brick wall at 60 miles per hour, no break, no air bag, no seatbelt. That fucker just slammed the hell into reality so hard that he quite literarily broke down, trashed his own room, flailing about and screaming in what is no doubt the most disturbing example of a "man child" tantrum I've personally ever seen in my life.
The sad truth of the matter is that it isn't "Bob's Game", it's "Bob's Autobiography" and details the sickening childhood he was forced to endure as we the audience are taken on a Wily Wonka boat ride down the ever moar disturbing river of Bob's creepy, sordid, incestuous life. Each new frame of dialogue bringing us one step closer to being able to understand the how and why behind Bob's incredible online kookplosion of epic proportions. He truly is a very disturbed individual, but it really isn't his fault at all, it's his sicko mother that no doubt turned him into the man child he is today and I feel a great swell of pity for him, having his entire life essentially flushed down the toilet by his whacko family. Bob probably would have been better off aborted than born, given the horrific life he's been forced into, it truly is sad...monumentally so. :(
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