Little Miss Priss, The Middle Aged Wannabe Web Designer

Our subject for today is one Christina Soochan:


First, a little back story. Recently I've been posting on Google's little web froups regarding their retardation of a malware "detection" slash business crippling "service". This culminated in the following post:
Bitch_Slaps_-_Christina_1.png

Now at this point...boy I was pissed off, hell I still *AM* pissed off about it. So what happened then? This LOUD MOUTH, TATTLE TALE of a self righteous little prissy bitch steps in with this fuckwittery:
Bitch_Slaps_-_Christina_2.png

...and boy ya know *THAT* sure did tick me off and if there's one thing you ought not to ever do it's piss me the hell off. So, using as much possible restraint as I could muster at the time I sent lil 'ol Miss Priss the following:
Bitch_Slaps_-_Christina_3.png

To which she replied with:
Bitch_Slaps_-_Christina_4.png

Making claims of how I was going to be E-ARESSTED by her "fav cop squad" (seriously, I can't make this shit up). So it was at that point that I suddenly realized what a shining beacon of kookdom our lil Miss Priss really was and thought, "Hey, let's have some fun!" So I replied with:
Bitch_Slaps_-_Christina_5.png

And *WOW* did she have a lil miniature meltdown right the fuck all over Google's lil web boards. She suddenly started spamming in like *EVERY* main topic there was at the time, posting entire copies of the e-mails I sent her along with this colorful message:
Bitch_Slaps_-_Christina_6.png

To which I replied with:
Bitch_Slaps_-_Christina_7.png

Now, at that point, either the Google admins stepped in, or it suddenly dawned on her what a kooky little retard she was making of herself, but either way, suddenly all of her off-topic messages went *POOF* and she got *REAL* quiet. As such I went ahead and deleted my response message as well. Since that time she's attempted to ban my IP from her web server, I guess thinking that, that's somehow going to stop me from collecting all of her photos, personal information, client names, etc, etc. Apparently our lil n00b.job just doesn't understand the finer points of proxies and just how very little effort it takes to use them (I recommend SurfAnonymous myself).

So, the question is...what to do, what to do, with little 'ol Miss Priss? Well, perhaps a good 'ol fashion WEB SITE CRITIQUE is in order. *grins widely*



^__^

Okay, here we go...

Christina first discovered the Internet *WAAAAAAY* back in two thousand and TWO! WOW! Boy she's been on the Internet a *LONG* time. *snicker* And in the six *WHOLE* years she's been online she's ~*magically*~ become a *WORLD CLASS* web developer! Producing such stunning works as "Webado" (you really can't make this shit up):
http://www.webado.com

Oh, wait, sorry, that's her PERSONAL site, this is her company site:
http://www.webado.net

...uh...hrmmm...something a ~lil~ backwards there Christina. See normally ".com" stands for COMPANY and while it certainly isn't unusual to use ".net" for a company extension, it is sort of odd if you had a personal site with .com and then a company site with the same name using .net, but hey, let's not nitpick over the small things, not when there are *SO* many *OTHER* things we could talk about!

First of all Christina, you call yourself a "web designer"...but uh, I don't think you ~really~ know *WHAT* a web designer actually is. Now, you seem to know some pretty basic web coding, albeit yer pretty sloppy with it and you've got some kind of a W3C fetish, but then yer probably relying on some kind of training pants proggie like FrontPage or something, so we'll overlook that for the time being. The point here Christina is that just being a code flunkie is missing a ~very~ important aspect...the *DESIGN* part.

Now, let's be honest here, your websites look like the spastic crayon dribblings of a retarded third grader strung the fuck out on Ritalin. I mean holy fucking shit, it's like looking at some long lost remnant of Geoshities from back in the Clinton administration fer fuck sakes. From using RED on BLUE for link overlays, to the third rate, overly pixelated, poorly compressed clip art looking little pieces of kitschy web style lawn ornaments strewn about without any sense of form, style, typography, color theory, etc, etc. Absolutely HORRID user interface designs that look like something you picked up off some tweenage muppet fuck's MySpace page and then tried to copy on your own...*BADLY*.

Your websites are, at best...a horrible fucking mess, a disaster of color usage, a rape of user interaction, a literal BUTT FUCKING of typography...it's just...it's just...wow...I mean...WOW! To think that you would actually have the balls to run around on the grid trying to pass yourself off as a "web designer" is just absolutely balls up the most asinine, self-absorbed, pretentious, conceited example of unwarranted self importance I have seen...well since last week actually, but that's beside the point.

You are, simply put, a pompous ass without clue fucking one as to where you even grovel in humble piety in the 'ol Internet pecking order when it comes to *REAL* skill and ability in web design. You are nothing more than a middle aged, sagging, dried up old cunt whose desperate for meaning and importance as you feel your life slowly wasting away, having contributed nothing more than a few selfish, fucked up brats to replace yourself with. In desperation you flail about in amateur, junior hobbyist level reaching and then piss all over yourself with the delusion that you're anything more than the Internet equivalent of a scrap booking buff trying to pass yourself off as some kind of nth level, Martha Stewart prodigy of unparalleled importance and grandeur.

You very much represent everything that's ever been wrong with web design in the most eye stabbingly blatant way imaginable. And the very fact that you have the outright audacity and nerve to go around calling yourself a web designer is nothing more than a bitch slap of an insult to every true professional and artist in the field. You literally taint this entire field with a putrid stink of vile ineptitude and banal mediocrity mixed with amateurish insipidity and horribly bloated, unwarranted self importance. You literally make *EVERY* true web developer sick to their stomach as your over powering stench of everything that's wrong with web design assaults their visual nostrils and forces them to recoil in shock and start hurling from the horrific, hideousness, of heinous, haughty, high-horsed, hot-shot hypocrisy.

To put it simply, Christina...you deserve to be eaten by a Grue.

^__^